How do you pull yourself up after a bad break up

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No one ever forgets how they felt every single time they saw that one person who made their heart skip a beat. Yep, the beginning is something very special. And how ecstatic they felt when that other person reciprocated in the same manner? The overwhelming joy bursting inside is inexplicable. But sadly, in this imperfect world, things usually don’t work out in the manner you expect. But of course there are many fortunate souls for whom it does.

Life appears to be near perfect. Perfect boyfriend/girlfriend. Steady relationship. It feels good. Life feels good. You don’t have a shred of doubt that anything can go wrong from here. But since we live in an imperfect world and predefined plans for steady future seldom work out, complications are inevitable. Not all complications have solutions, at least not the one you would prefer. Sometimes, such complications can leave a bad taste for both the people involved.

Be that as it may, life still goes on, doesn’t it? What looks like an abrupt end, is nothing but a definition for “End” as defined by us. The reality of the situation hits hard.

Time and tide wait for no man.  

You can “move on” from a certain relationship, from a person. But how do you move on from the experience and the memories, good or bad? Truth is, you cannot. Unless you have a way to remove those experiences from your mind and heart like you delete files from your computer, or you are a genius who has a way of blocking certain things, the only possible solution is to accept it and know that this time and phase will eventually pass.

Around last year, a friend of mine faced a similar problem. She had been seeing a guy. The guy was a person I knew but I wasn’t friends with. But from what I gathered, he was a pretty well put together kind of a guy. Well educated, decent, smart, confident and an introvert. I never initially inquired or asked my friend about him because I knew she wanted to keep this relationship a secret (we all worked together). She was always under the impression that I had no clue about their relationship and I intended to keep it that way until she wanted to come forward with it. Never mind, coming back to the story.

They knew each other for about 3 years and were in a steady relationship for a little over a year. That was until one day he abruptly broke up. Over a WhatsApp chat message.

Needless to say, my friend was shaken to the core. She had no one to talk to about this whole incident. Who would have thought a guy like him, a self-respecting and usually confident guy did not even have the courage to talk to her in person. Fortunately for my friend, at the time of the break up, he had left the company so at least my friend didn’t have to go through all those flashback happy days memories which would have made matters worse for her.

After the turmoil that was going through within her for a couple of days, when she couldn’t take it any more, she decided to confide in me. She let her heart out. She cried her heart out. All was done, there was nothing either of us could have done to make things like it was before. I wasn’t an expert at solving relationship problems and neither do I claim to be. All I knew was, she needed to talk and to have someone to listen to her. And that is just what I did.

She started to feel better. I am not sure what did the trick. Was it because she finally had someone she could talk to? Or was it because I said a few things to uplift her morals and tried to make her smile and feel better with some silly jokes. I believe it was the former.

In this scenario, her own pre-defined and obviously preferred solution would have been to somehow make things better between them as they were before. The guy was an external factor she could not have control over. Her own life and emotions were the only things she could. And that is exactly what she did. She is in a happy state and a happy frame of mind today. Fortunately, the only biggest problem she probably has today is she is bored of her job.

She didn’t go through any list of getting over a bad break-up, she didn’t read any magazines with 20 or 30 points to follow on how to get over a bad breakup. All she did was Talk to someone. And truthfully, sometimes that is all anyone needs. A good friend or anyone you know and trust who is ready to listen to you.

I have 2 books you can refer to as different people react to situations differently and these books attempts to achieve the common ground, hopefully they will help you find answers to questions you feel are still unanswered but they desperately need to be answered. These are How to Move On After a Break Up and Mars and Venus Starting Over.

Feature Photo Credit – Daniel Littlewood/Flickr

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Darshik Jariwala is an IT Professional from Canada, with 3+ years of experience and knowledge in various verticals in the IT industry. In his leisure time, he loves writing Blogs, Reading, watching Movies, occasional Photography and most of all having coffee with friends. You can also befriend him on , and .

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