A mighty pain to love it is,
And ‘t is a pain that pain to miss;
But of all pains, the greatest pain
It is to love, but love in vain.
― Abraham Cowley
There is something about the words unrequited love. It sounds like one of those words straight out of the Shakespearean era.
The two words which comes as a result of the three words that a person in love yearns to hear from the one he/she, but alas, it goes either unheard or unspoken.
The two words that has the power to bring back the old memories which feels as fresh as the ones that passed by only a few seconds ago.
Make no mistake, unrequited love can hurt as bad as experiencing a thousand paper cuts at once. As if you are at the bottom of the ocean with lungs filled with water. In short, it hurts like hell.
Sounds like something that probably the generation before us experienced more as they were not as forthcoming with their feelings as the present generation? You will never cease to be surprised if you go around today asking people if they ever experienced it.
Probably the worst part of unrequited love is the fact that there really is no one to blame, not even yourself. But humans being humans, will feel restless without finding something or someone to blame and then finding an anchor to hold onto.
Let us delve in to its symptoms and how do you get over it.
Honestly speaking, there is just one major symptom:
Inability to focus / Distraction
You know you are in trouble when you are doing something that you loved doing your whole life. But now, you keep getting distracted.
You are unable to give your undivided attention to everything and everyone, except of course for the one person you are longing for.
Losing control over one’s thoughts is probably one of the worst things that can happen to someone. It is a worst thing because they are mere fantasies. And there is huge difference between fantasizing and dreaming. A person tends to create his/her own perfect imaginative world in a fantasy that involves factors not in one’s hand.
So how do you recover when you find your feelings unreciprocated? What do you do? How do you make sure your unrequited love doesn’t become an obsession? Here’s how:
Accept the answer
The most crucial and perhaps the most difficult part of recovering yourself is accepting. No is generally not the answer a person expects, neither is it something that a person will readily accept.
Accepting is not just the most important, but the first step one has to take for his/her own good.
Hang out with friends
Hopefully, you did not ignore your friends while you were spending your maximum amount of your time thinking about, talking to or spending time with your then special/favorite person.
Friends helping you recover from your state of sorrows is probably one of the most under appreciated acts of kindness. However, when you hang out with friends, you have to be with them physically as well as mentally.
Don’t act like a luggage which has to be carried everywhere. There is only so much they can do, you have to involved and invest your part as well. Don’t be completely dependent on them.
Get busy working
Immerse yourself in work. The one you avoided and neglected previously. The same you did not pay enough attention to.
You don’t have to stress yourself with work, but enough to ensure that “work” is all that runs through your mind. An idle mind can be dangerous.
Don’t fall into the “There’s something wrong with me” trap
This is the most dreaded traps of all since it can make of break once confidence and self esteem. The person you were with may have his/her own reasons which they may or may not have explained to you but that in no way signifies that there is something wrong with you.
Try to look at a brighter future
Love, like everything else is just a part of life. There are plenty of other things that also need your attention. Try to find joy in the smallest of things, even if it is a stupid whatsapp joke or a meme you saw on facebook.
Smiling after the heartbreak is the remedy, not a crime. No one is going to blame you if you are able to move on quickly.
You did not hit a dead end when your love when unreciprocated. Don’t stop going out, don’t stop meeting new people. Every person comes with a baggage, just as you.
No one has seen the future, perhaps you will meet someone later during the day, or tomorrow, or day after, or next week, maybe next month. But if you don’t go out, you will never meet that person.
So meet new people, talk to them, engage yourself in conversations with the opposite sex.
Think of it as an experience
Be brave. Think of it as an experience. Experiences make you stronger and wiser. You may not realize but you will find yourself to be a better decision maker and as someone who’s in more control.
Experience teaches you things. Don’t shy away from learning. With learning comes knowledge. And with knowledge comes power. The power will give you the confidence and ability to understand the rights and the wrongs.
Unrequited love is like a sad beautiful poem. You know it’s sad, but you also cannot deny that it is beautiful. And in the end, when you successfully move on, you will always be grateful that you had the chance of reading this poem and you will probably keep revisiting it intermittently. This memory will always remain yours and yours alone. Like they say, “It’s better to have loved and lost, than to never love at all“.
If you had an experience or know someone who did, how did you deal with the situation?
On the other hand, if you are still suffering, I hope this helped you.